Meus Vox

Today in my life I have grown confounded in my efforts to create a future for myself. Realizing I must create a present instead. For so long I scurried to find something that was nonexistent, that which I did not hold in my heart. Now I see the flaws I have created due to my unharmonious efforts built through fear. Without understanding of the heart and the self, the present and the now, I can not succeed. Give me reason, give me purpose, give me enlightenment of the few.

I've finally come to overstand the anxiety I hold towards women. In my past relationships I had grown to feel I was not good enough for her, primarily unwanted within her family group, that led me to wish for deeper acceptance which in the end was never received. In a friendship I had, I grew overly obsessed over the one person I thought I could please, after sometime this friendship ended in animosity and distaste. Due to the color of my skin and the proper grammatical eloquence I portray, I have always felt outcasted. I guess due to all of these life experience I now feel unworthy to accept the love of others, it has driven me to fear I cannot live up my own expectations....or those which have been embedded in my thought and projected itself subconsciously because of these experiences. Now I must rewrite the debauchery this life experience has bestowed and realize my true power, eloquence, and worth; this is the first step in a new direction.

Can you feel me inside
ripping your soul away
your life is now controlled
by the demons you made me slay

you've lost your mind
and your reasons cold
nothing can beat this
wreckless romance of old

Make me bleed
Make me kill
all the souls i know
You better die today
you Mutha fucking ho!

For what will you say,
when I'm rippin' your soul away
and my demons rise to save this fucking day

have you lost your mind
piercing through my veins
the blood is boiling
to kill my own way

Can you feel me inside
ripping your soul away
now you've lost your mind
maybe I'll just die my own way

My Goals!

My set of goals for the next three months! Febuary - April

   1.     Start an online blog where I can discuss many topics related to health, philosophy, and self empowerment; most of which can relate to the common reader. By the end of june I want this business to be bringing in 1,200 dollars monthly.

   2.     Exercises regularly to increase weight to 150lbs.


My fair set of goals for this year!

   1.     Graduate with an AA in either Anthropology and/or Business Admin.
   2.     Blog income increase to 5,000 dollars monthly.

They say the odds against me, are crooked and impossible
Like I was born with a hole in my heart as an obstacle,
or left to die by the doctors, in the childrens hospital
But I never lose hope, success is psychological
The world is volatile and the street is my education
Shaping the nation, like the blueprint of a mason
While Shawshank record deals get you raped on occasion
So I'm focused on my economic situation
I'm Like the little kids on T.V. that dig through the trash
I hustle regardless of the way you talk shit and laugh
A lot of niggaz drop science but they don't know the math
'cuz their mind is narrower than the righteous path
It's funny how 'on the block' niggaz will kill you for cash
But never raise their gun and cry out "Freedom at last."
The cold war is over, but the world is still gettin colder
Atlas walking through the projects with the hood on my shoulders
I would like to raise my children to grow to be soldiers
But then a general, would decide when their life would be over
So I work hard until my personality split
Like the Black Panthers, into the Bloodz and the Cripz
They said I'd never be shit, but now I sit and reminisce
Like Yeshua, Ben Yousef flippin through Genesis
Ignorance is venomous, and it murders the soul
SPREADING LIKE A VIRUS RUNNING RAMPANT, OUT OF CONTROL

So if I should ever fall and get caught in a hustle
Let them know that I died while I fought in a struggle
From the hoodrats to rich kids lost in a bubble
Spray paint it on the streets and in the subway tunnels
Write it down and remember, that we never gave in
The mind of a child is where the revolution begins
So if the solution has never been to look in yourself,
How is it that you expect to find it anywhere else?

Immortal Technique in the streets, back on the hustle
cause three strikes will get you life for stuffin cracks in a duffel
Upstate behind steel gates, attacked in the scuffle
Razor blades stuck on the side of pencils, hacked to your muscle
But the emptiness is what bleeds you to death when it cuts you
And its the lawyers, not the inmates scheming to fuck you
Trying to fight the system from inside, eventually corrupts you
But thats what you get when you put a corporation above you
And it's the people that love you that seem to hurt you the most
Sometimes when they die, you find yourself cursing their ghost
But you make success, nobody delivers your fate
Sometimes you give and you take
Since prehistoric vertebrates, crawled out of the lakes
And thats the truth about life
Or to do it to ghetto and your car, rims, and your ice
'cuz even though we survived through the struggle that made us
We still look at ourselves through the eyes of the people that hate us
But ima make it regardless of these trumped up charges
And semi-automatic barrages, that empty the cartridge
Post-traumatically scarred kids that try to be brave
'cus niggaz backstab each other just to try to get paid
Turn cannibal like knights during the crusades
Afraid of responsibility; Addicted to greed
Beating their girl purposefully losing a seed
As if we were bound to the destiny we used to receive

So if I should ever fall and get caught in a hustle
Let them know that I died while I fought in a struggle
From the hoodrats to rich kids lost in a bubble
Spray paint it on the streets and in the subway tunnels
Write it down and remember, that we never gave in
The mind of a child is where the revolution begins
So if the solution has never been to look in yourself,
How is it that you expect to find it anywhere else?


I used to wonder(I used to wonder) why people don't believe in theyselves
But then I saw the way they portrayed us to everyone else
They cursed us, to only see the worst in ourselves
blind to the fact the whole time we were hurting ourselves

I used to wonder(I used to wonder) why people don't believe in theyselves
But then I saw the way they portrayed us to everyone else
They cursed us, to only see the worst in ourselves
blind to the fact the whole time we were hurting ourselves

I used to wonder..."

Immortal Technique - Caught in a Hustle

This world has brought me a pound of pain and suffering the last year or so since I've been gone. I haven't written anything here since. I had kept a private journal going, but I feel it did me more bad than it did good. Maybe I have just been born into this world to suffer? Or have I simply created my own illusion through my constant negativity towards the world. I've rigorously searched for the future, never focusing on my past, all items of the future only bring great death and destruction in many places I turn. The harsh reality falls on my heart every night and I seek a deeper reason to be here. Remaining positive has always been a challenge for me, even now I type without emotional care, seeing the blacken within my soul. Love is all I've ever needed and the only thing I've desired, but love is hard to come by in a world filled with people whom play games, create drama, and those whom are naturally hardened by the worlds blight. In the end all I really want is care-free love.

And I return from the place of anguish,
the school of truth,
learning the physicalities which permeate into complexity.
I swam in its cesspool of blood,
blinded for two cycles by crimson sweat.
The distance of my mind grew weary,
I had lost all forms of my being,
attempting to scurry towards my sanity,
but the crimson enveloped my mind.
The self became my sanctuary,
the crimson became my war zone.
intimidated and alone,
afraid and pessimistic.
I found refuge in my ears,
her voice called out to me,
but the image felt homely,
she questioned me,
and taught this one to not fear,
who I am, I am, and it should not be hidden.
Over night the crimson oceans looked like blue skies,
and my sanctuary began to expand,
her words give me power,
her understanding gave me hope,
and her ideals gave me love.
The light she shared,
opened my own,
illuminating the ways into a present future.


Now I am back with a vengeance,
and you might just wish to be afraid.

How did we ever get sucked so deep into this rabbit hole. So so deep. Until we lost our minds. Somethings clicked, a memory, a thought, a feeling, even the smell. We new all from day one, yet conditioned to know nothing on day two.

Escape. Erase. Reboot.
Our minds went soo far.
We shall do it again.

I post this last entry as a remembrance of who I once was, the mind in which were lost, and to those like minded whom have strayed far from intension. Remember who we are.

-----

Through the years the ones I've loved have drifted away.
Created new lives & new people.
All the chances I lost due to fear, ignorance and lack of personal will.
Now I reside alone, no one to express the feelings i feel, or the scents i smell.
The people whom I once loved are now so distant from me.
I guess I've just lost my way, and lost the people whom shared the understanding I once did.
and I miss them everyday.

All in which I know is based around fallacies. How did we all ever dig so deeply in this hole. I can see it in all of us.

Fuck all yall! n get a fucking life. Fake ass ignoramuses

So I finally feel my life has taken a turn for the worst. Physically all is stable, yet there's such much clouded thought, as though a large metallic spiked ball began destroying each part of my personality. I don't believe I've interacted on an empathetic or intellectual level with anyone for a very long time. It's inevitable as age passes humans develop to full mental maturity, but it's far from the issue. Blaring distractions just burning a whole in my brain. I've grown too restless and begun seek the physical realm for pleasure. Lost my entire essence with words, no longer can I connect to anothers emotion. I am not numb, only lost outside of my on mind.

Observance_

"Nature has bestowed perfect beauty upon the human form,
yet these creatures strive to detach themselves from
their own elegance & perfection." - Nil Van Assur

Any amount of real truth learned is like pouring raging plasma into a thermonuclear device. The realization of our position within this reality shines light common mans lack of influence upon the world, angers all whom hold even the slightest shred of humanity in their soul. For any revolution to take place, something must be given up, the law of equivalent trade.

Revolution is Now


Veritas Victus
Living Truth

The former image
was a holder of dreams.
The present is one
of current actualities.

Can the mind grow any more mad?

We've grown, to abhor humanity and all that it brings; lost in our actions, flooded by torrents of unbearable fear. Collectively little is sustained; the realization slays all positivistic thought, whilst decimating all aspiration.

Motion is relative; success is quantum, no limits, no boundaries, no time, no origin, only Quantum. Quantum unlocks infinity.

"Seek not what you see, seek that which you feel[...], weakens grows within us all and maddens consumes our intellect, sight is near meaningless, illusions amass ubiquitously. Trust not the eyes, trust the knowledge inside[...]" - Victus Vires, Veritas Victus

In an Afternow type epic the totalitarian states finally have become overt in their actions. Consumption of the planets resources is nearing its breaking point, paving a thin rope between survival and entropy. For millennia human kind has shouted collapse near, a wave of apocalyptic proportion laying down it's hand upon the earth. There is always truth in the words and minds of the people, yet the definition of the truth, is highly misconstrued. Words from forgotten times have forever stated "for creation to start, there must be destruction"; now the lines of fact and speculation reveal, illumination reveals the truth.

i'm not a very good person